Leadership Human-Style

How YOUR Overwhelm is Hurting Your Team

• Lisa Mitchell • Episode 154

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If you’re feeling stretched too thin, you’re not alone — but have you considered how your overwhelm might be affecting your team?

In this episode, we explore how well-intentioned leaders often inadvertently disempower their teams when they operate from a place of chronic stress, urgency, or over-responsibility. 

In this episode of Leadership Human-Style, discover:

  • Why overwhelm is contagious — and what that means for your team’s mindset
  • How trying to “protect” your team can actually prevent growth
  • A mindset shift to help you move from overfunctioning to empowering

This one’s for you if you’ve ever said, “It’s just easier if I do it myself.”

🎧 Tune in to discover how to shift from coping to leading — and create a more capable, confident team in the process.

Work with me!

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Lisa Mitchell (00:01)
Hello, I'm Lisa Mitchell and I am your host today on Leadership Human Style. So as a leader, when you get overwhelmed, what do you notice that you tend to do more of with your team? I would wager that you take on more of their monkeys. So monkeys are what I call other people's responsibilities or job description items.

I see this a lot in the leaders that I work with. And in fact, I was inspired to record this episode today because of two beautiful clients that I met with this morning and are both struggling with the same kind of thing. Some interesting behaviors they get into when they get into overwhelm. So here's the first example. Lovely senior director who runs an accounting department essentially and has

two directors reporting to her. And she used to do their job. So she knows what they have to do. And it is very easy for her to kind of fall into telling them how they need to fix something when they're not sure of something. At any rate, she's been working on this. She's aware of it. And she's really her main goal is about how do I empower people, right? How do I empower people to own their monkeys and not take them on myself?

The thing is she keeps kind of falling into old patterns, especially when she gets into overwhelm. And right now it's a busy time. Probably is in your world too, but I see this everywhere. People, just their schedules are overloaded and the demands are huge. There's more projects we've got to do more with less, more with less literally because there's fears of a recession and so on as I record this in May, 2025. So at any rate, this beautiful leader, I'm going to call her, hmm, what comes to mind? Gertrude, just because it's a fun name.

And she's fun. So this morning she was feeling particularly overwhelmed and there was too much that she needed to do. ironically, what she did was instead of focusing on her to do's was she started poking around and digging into how the team was doing in terms of their productivity. And she noticed that there was one analyst that had not been particularly productive that morning, had really not done anything, I guess, for a couple of hours.

And ⁓ so she was quite infuriated by this and she ended up direct messaging this individual who doesn't report to her, the way, saying, what have you been doing and you haven't produced anything today? And this person gave her some kind of response. I'm not sure. And so then my client went back to the director to whom this person actually does report and says, Hey, I did this. And what are you doing about it? Because, you know, I needed to send a signal. mean, I, I want to empower you and I'm not about micromanaging.

but I really needed to today. So just stepping back from that for a second, you can see that there's a lot of yeah, but so I'm not a micromanager and I don't want to be seen as one. And yet I'm here. am micromanaging and going direct. So you can imagine the potential impact ⁓ that this analyst and this more junior director would be feeling. mean, wow, we're not trusted. And yes, it did prod some results.

into happening short term this morning. Long term though, I think we have to wonder how have we paved the way for ongoing sustainment of that same kind of productivity and engagement. So at any rate, ⁓ you can imagine that she landed in a place where she thought, my gosh, yes, I am saying one thing and behaving in another way. And it was simply because in her state of overwhelm, she felt the need to control more.

And it is really interesting when it comes to our human brains. We often, when we feel out of control and how are we possibly going to accomplish our own to do list, we start looking other places and getting involved where we don't need to be. So that's one example. Just going to park that one over here. So we've got a couple of other to share with you. The second client that I met this morning, different scenarios, clearly, but there's sort of some interesting commonalities. So

This individual is very senior and runs a very large division for a large company. And recently she had a bit of a breakthrough where she realized that when she is in overwhelm, okay, there's the common theme. It's usually what happens to her is it triggers this fear, right? This fear that she's gonna let things fall through the cracks or that her team will.

and she's going to get found out as incompetent or it's somehow going to damage her reputation. So even though she's very senior and has several layers of leaders below her, see, this isn't just a frontline leader problem. She would tend to sort of just, you know, try to do things for people. It also, you you partner that fear of things falling through the cracks with wanting, wanting to help people. She's very much a servant leader. And unfortunately,

It kind of those things collided and caused her to step in and take over and to tell people what to do. But more often than not actually do it. So this is a very senior C-suite person doing stuff that needs to be done more at a VP or director level. And what she's realized is that when she's in overwhelm and she tends to do to do this, she's actually

You know, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. She's making things worse. She's escalating the whole overwhelmed situation versus deescalating it. ⁓ versus, you know, working with people to say, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. Maybe you are too. Let's talk through together how we're going to move through this. Right. And here's what I'm looking for from you. ⁓ I, you know, we need to get X done. What are your ideas on how to do that versus here? Just give it to me and I'll just do it because it seems faster at the moment.

So here you have two people overwhelm as the commonality and there's this theme of needing to remember the reason we want to empower people is so that long term they own their monkeys and they're going to take care of them and they're learning and they're resourceful and they're growing. And it also creates in us a bit of a release, like a letting go, like, my God, the second client, actually said, ⁓ it's, feel more at peace. Just, you know,

Recently, there was this whole email chain going back and forth because she's been working on this for a while. So she could see the whole team embroiled in this email string for two days and she was dying to jump in, dying to jump in. And it took every ounce of strength for her not to do so. You know what? She succeeded just by the whatever the expression is by by skin. I don't know what I don't know what it is. But anyways, she she avoided it just like barely. OK.

Jamie, can we fix that? That was kind of clunky there. So I'm just gonna restart ⁓ with, you know, she just barely avoided it. Kind of do something there and take out that other stuff. Where I was trying to think of the expression. Skin of her teeth, which doesn't make sense. I think that's the expression. Okay, pause.

So I'm so proud of her and, and, and thrilled for her because she was able to kind of hold back. And what she said was I trusted my team. I trusted them to figure out. And you know what they did. Took a little longer than I would have liked, but I think it's going to get better next time. And I would guess that she's right. So here's, here's my third example of my third story and it's me and I want to just, you know,

give the caveat that I have been in my career, my very long career in corporate and now as an entrepreneur, I have been the queen of delegation many times, doing it very artfully, delegating with support, all the right things, empowering people. And I have also been the micromanager for sure, especially when I get overwhelmed. So I have good awareness about this, but it's interesting when context and group dynamics change.

So you've heard me talk about Patrick before my son, he's actually been a guest on the show and he is turning 19 this week. But anyways, crazy. He started university back in the fall and going into second year, he's going to be living off campus. Stay with me, the story will make sense in a second. And in the city where he goes to school, you have to sign off on a lease for off-campus housing, like somebody's, you you're renting.

from May 1st all the way till April 30th the following year. So even though he's not gonna be going to school there until September, he's gonna be living at home for the summer for his job. We've just gotta pay rent, okay? So anyways, he's moving in with three other friends. this is a bit of a different scenario because this is a household move. He's just not moving into his own room, know, where he needs the sheets and his clothes and all that kind of stuff, like residence.

He they're actually outfitting a whole house, right? Because there's a common living room area and a common kitchen that would have nothing in it. So I was asking him where you guys at in terms of planning that stuff and what do think you need to do? You know, being the great leader slash mom that I think I am. And he's like, you know, we'll get to it. We'll get to it. And this is back sort of in the early spring. And yet I didn't see any getting with it. So me being the organizing Lisa that I am at times.

⁓ And and feeling I guess the fierce mama bear bear came in to play a little bit too I was like geez like where's this going? I didn't want them to move in and have nothing and I'm trying to come from a place of Helping right like that other client. I mentioned she's a real servant leader. Well, this is what you know, my intention was We have to be careful though around intention when it doesn't line up with our impact. So wait for it

So I decide to do a beautiful shared Google spreadsheet and share it with the other parents and the other kids that, well, young adults that are gonna be living with my son in this house saying, hey, I chat GPT'd, not Google, but I chat GPT'd, know, a list of what are some things that you wanna be thinking about, items that you wanna have to stock a new student house, right, where there's the common areas to consider. So I'd made my spreadsheet and I'd put like who was gonna contribute. We contributed, we bought a TV.

put that on, I've got an extra kettle, I've got some tea towels, you know all this junk. I put in where Patrick, i.e. me, are gonna contribute these things and then ⁓ I asked people, said, know, it might be a good idea if you go in and put your name against things that you might already have. The whole idea being to save money and just make it easier. Anyways, Patrick and his girlfriend, who's gonna be living there in a separate room by the way.

They both thanked me and said, great. And they went in and they did some stuff in the spreadsheet. And then I got nothing from the other two kids and nothing from the parents at all. And I was starting to think, geez, we're coming up on May 1st in this big move. And are we going to have a whole lot of nothing? ⁓ So what I realized, though, finally, I guess I had expressed my dismay to Patrick. He mentioned it to the other two. And next thing you know, I get these kind of, ⁓ I don't know, responses that

that signaled to me that my help wasn't really welcome or wanted. And these are two individuals who I think have operated probably way more independently than my own kid. And for whatever reason. And here I am trampling all over their efforts to adults on their own and in their own way and in their own time. So I realized this was really great learning for me. I

need to release this. Now I'll tell you that there's one thing. So the first weekend after that we moved them in and we cleaned and did all the stuff. Patrick had stayed over. He came back and he said, Mom, I had to, made breakfast for everybody, which is so sweet by the way, but we didn't have a toaster. So I had to put the toast on a cookie sheet and put it in the oven. Kudos to him. He figured that out. Okay, great. But I

Immediately put toaster down on the grocery shopping list because I thought well, I know I've seen a $10 toaster at Walmart I can just zip out and get them and then as I was thinking about this whole thing though What good is it for me to go buy them a toaster in the end? This is a perfect opportunity Just like my client was staying out of that email string to stay out of it They want to keep cooking toast in a in an oven great if they want to pool their resources and spend their 250 a piece to buy a

collective toaster for the house? Great! It's actually not my problem. It's not my monkey now. Yes, I'm paying the rent for him. And that's where it ends. He gets to figure this out. He gets to advocate for himself. So I did say to Patrick, as a kind of, you know, sum this up a little bit, is I did say to him a few days later after I'd done some reflecting on this, you know, I said, look,

This is hard for me to just hang back here. I don't want to take things over for you. And so I'm not going to. And I found myself doing that in this particular instance. That said, I'm still here to help you and so is your dad. So if you need something, you need a little help with getting something for the house or sorting out a conflict with the roommates, just say something and we'll be there in a heartbeat, right? We'll help you think it through, ⁓ help you with resources, whatever.

And it's going to, it's going to be up to you to initiate it going forward. So let's check in regularly, see how it's going. Just know that. And he was like, mom, that is perfect. So, you know, I kind of get chills just sharing this with you. Mom, that is perfect. That's what he wants to, he wants the chance to figure this out. And for you listeners who are

you know, leading teams. It's very complex getting work done through people. Your job is not to just take on everybody's monkeys or make assumptions about how they're managing their monkeys in the first place. It's really to facilitate conversations that help them figure out what they need to do and what's going well, what's not. And for you to offer help when they ask for it or to say, I feel like you need some help.

Do you? Not just, you know, march right in, so to speak. So, the moral of this story, okay? We've got overwhelm as the common theme with my two clients and then even me feeling overwhelmed with sort of lack of response and, my God, there's so much to do to get these kids moved in and they're young, they don't know, right?

There's the overwhelm. notice, notice when you're in the mind swirl, notice the body cues that really helps. Like for me, I get a little bit sweaty in the palms, a little bit of anxiety in that sort of upper tummy. For one of my clients, she gets all tense in her shoulders. Use that as a cue to sort of step back and go, oh, there I, there I go. Okay. And ask yourself, knowing that you tend to slide into old behaviors that aren't helpful. Ask yourself once you're aware of where you are, you know,

Who do I want to be as a leader? And how do I want to be as a leader? And I can pretty much guarantee you don't want to be the micromanager. You don't want to be perceived that way. And you don't want to be distrusted. You want to be the empowering leader. So we have to act like it. That's it. Thank you so much for listening. I really appreciate you being with me and have a great rest of your day.


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